I cannot do this anymore

Hello reader,

On March 1, seven days before my birthday I simply broke down because of how unhappy I felt with myself. It sounds almost pathetic and sad, but sometimes I need to remind myself that there are reasons, such as my family/boyfriend/and friends, why I need to keep myself alive. Sounds a bit psychotic...I know, and I am not proud of it. So as all these thoughts are rushing through my head, I decided that I should make a list. A list of what I do not hate about myself (I named it, "Things I hate about myself"), a list of things I love about myself (I named it, "Things I like about myself"), and the most important list - a list of "What I need to do to make myself feel happy".

So here they are:

Things I hate about myself

-The way my body is

-The way I dress

-My nails

-My teeth

-My eyesight

-Money issues

-The way my room looks like

-The fact that I feel under-microscope with my 'rents.

-The way my toes are (they curl because of my anxiety)

-The fact that I am always hungry

-The fact that I feel unappreciated

-The fact that I hate getting close to people

-The fact that I get panic attacks and I turn red all the time

-Feeling like an outcast and unwanted or unloved

-I am impatient

-Feel depressed

-Don't know when to stop talking or annoying people

Things I like about myself

-Ambition when it comes to work

-Ability to lead

-Always willing to help

-Honest as to how I feel

-Respect and cautious towards people

Things I need to change to help me become happy

-Work out

-save money and go shopping

-Get a haircut (style)

-Clean my room and personalize

-Get nails and toes done

-Get new glasses or contacts

-Make more "me" time

-Stop thinking that Jackie is my friend

Still working on other ways to help me become happy/ Please let me know if you have any ideas....please?