Day 7 - Confrontation, am I ready yet?

Today (well yesterday) was probably one of the worst days. Besides being exhausted and fat, I have let my guard down and cried when Ryan mentioned something about my personal appearance. In fact, I cried again when I forced myself to talk about why is it that I still have not lost any weight. Though I don't want to go back and try to restate what I told him, it went along the lines that I am getting close to hitting rock bottom, I am extremely disgusted with myself, I don't enjoy going out or getting up in the morning because it involves me getting dressed and finding that clothes that used to fit me do not fit me anymore...conclusion: I am depressed.I explained that in order to lose weight I do have to hit rock bottom, I do have to not only put exercise into my schedule but to also change the time so that when I usually eat, I am doing something else. It's just such a big process and not easy as 1,2,3. He understood me and took my hand, but my goodness did I feel pathetic. I felt like a criminal who has confessed to doing wrong doing, not to mention I felt weak.

To today is another day, I started out eating some what Healthy. I ate dark bread with butter (Smart Balance, the healthy kind), 2 potato "oladi"w/ sour cream (dk the English name for it - i think it's pancakes), one bite of dark chocolate (yuk, never eating THAT again), and I think that is it.

Right now I am planning to go to the bank, stop by wal-mart, and then head back to school to study some more. Though I was going to work out, I see that there is no time, maybe later today, around 11 pm. Sometimes I just wish that all these things would pass me by, but again, don't we all wish that we become eternally happy without creating gaps that get filled out with tears and a feeling of being depressed.